So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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