If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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