I haven't been this sober since birth.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
