dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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