Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
