So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
