Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
