I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
