yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Still dying that you shit outside
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
