She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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