Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
how does that bad decision feel?
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