i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
