Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
