I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
