So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
