I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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