Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
