Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
