Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
