So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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