I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
