He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
