why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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