This is not my ceiling
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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