i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
