The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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