i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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