so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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