For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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