i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
