Who wears a wallet chain?!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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