so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
