hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
