it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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