Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
