Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
