why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
