my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize