She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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