the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
