hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
