i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
