Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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