I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
