my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
