I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
