MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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