i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
should my penis look like a turkey
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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