Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
