Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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