the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
