ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
