google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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