Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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