This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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