don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
