i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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