Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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