Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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