dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
