I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
