When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All the doctor said was why
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
