i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
