where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
