i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't put those talents on a resume
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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