South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
