Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
