apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
