May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
