I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
