there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
