every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
