We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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