In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
