Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
