im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
