i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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