That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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