he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
