I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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