Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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