saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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